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Relationship of your Dreams
by Maryanne Comaroto

Most of us approach relationships like drunken sailors, intoxicated with the ideas and fantasies we have about them instead of sobered by the reality of them. We are desperate, perhaps lonely, feeling like either our ship has just come in—or is about to leave port. If you want a better strategy for finding a great relationship, get a piece of paper and write these things down:

1) What do you want? (Make a list and be specific.)
2) What are you willing to do about it?

Now let’s take a closer look—trust me! Starting with number one, across from each item you have listed in your WANT column, write down what you HAVE. For example:

I WANT: An ideal partner, someone to share my life with

I HAVE: I am single and live alone

I WANT: A big house with three kids, a dog and live near the water

I HAVE: I live in the city, small flat w/a fish

I WANT: To be debt-free and have $1 million in the bank

I HAVE: Iam between careers and in debt

Whatever the case may be, write it down. Let’s call the space between what you have and what you want your “motivational crevasse.apostrophe For some this may seem gaping, for others totally achievable. This brings us to number two: What are you willing to do about it? On the back of your paper write down what time you woke up today and what you did. Go ahead, write it. Include when you got up, who you spent time with, what books you read, what TV programs you watched, when you went to work, and so on. Be as specific as you can. Next, get another piece of paper, draw a monthly calendar, and mark the days that are pretty much like this day. Go on.

If you’re like most of us, we do about the same thing pretty much each day, consistently, whatever those things are. We hang out with the same people, go to the same places, participate in the same activities, watch the same TV, do the same things on our computers, etc. We have routines and patterns. We are creatures of habit. Now consider that it takes a certain amount of discipline and practice to bring a thought or idea to fruition – to “make it real.apostrophe For example, we get our diploma by going to school, studying, showing up and doing what it takes to make that happen. The same principle applies to seeing our dream relationship or our dream life come true.

When we want something bad enough, we have to do what it takes to make it happen instead of sitting around believing in fairy tales hoping “the one" will just show up and we’ll live happily ever after. Odds are that this is never going to happen and the facts are in, Ladies and Gentlemen; it almost never does. So, why wait? Go make it happen yourself. The good news is that since what you do begets what you have, try something different. Instead of watching TV, take a relationship class. Instead of spending hours doing things that aren’t getting you what you want, start doing things that will bring you closer to creating what you do want. You may finally get what you want. You may also find that, ultimately, you will come to want what you already have, which, Buddha says, is the definition of happiness.

About the Author:
Maryanne Comaroto is an internationally known relationship expert, talk show host and author. Her weekly live radio talk show reaches millions of listeners in the U.S. and around the world. Maryanneapostrophes philosophy is "Great relationships begin within!" She leads popular workshops and seminars for men and women, and has had a private practice as a clinical hypnotherapist for more than 20 years. She is the author of the award-winning memoir Skinny, Tan and Rich: Unveiling the Myth. Her latest book, Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, outlines the 14 critical questions to ask before you get intimate in a relationship and gives readers six tools to add to their "Relationship Toolbelt." Maryanne is also the founder of a leading non-profit, The National Action Organization, a 501(c)3 organization committed to changing the way our culture values women. For more information visit You can also listen to Maryanne talk about investing in yourself and your dreams at