He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…
and her too? I can’t tell you how many times friends or clients have complained about their disenchanting, painful encounters with “leakers.” Men and women who seem so great at first, almost to good to be true and then…wham, bam, ouch, waah…
What’s a leaker, you ask? Or maybe you already know. Maybe you are one. For those who don’t, it’s a term I adopted from my father, tweaked and use liberally when appropriate. It describes someone who leaks their sexual energy—and not in a “good wayapostrophe; someone who wants you to want them, who enjoys and prefers the chase, the hunt, the rush and the kill. Sounds messy eh? Oh, yeah. It can lure even the sweetest, most naïve person to sell their precious soul for just a taste. They will lead you on, bark up your tree, pursue you like you have never been pursued, woo you up the highest mountain. They are often incapable of intimacy, married or already in one or several relationships because they need so much attention, are narcissists or just flat out want to hump and dump you because…they can.
Leakers move like liquid chocolate, envelop you with their smoldering languid glances, devour you with their luscious smiles, seduce you with their choreographed confidence until you beg to drown a slow death in exchange for just a sip.
It’s that irresistible something you can’t put your finger on, but you want to be near or keep coming back for more of, ‘cause its feels sooooo good. She/he’s the seductress, the hedonist, the junkie, the shadow hissing and whistling, cat-calling you like an ancient siren that renders you deaf, dumb and blind to their intention—which is to eat you up and spit you out. If you have low, loads or no self-esteem, no matter; the leaker’s pull is like a vortex few can withstand as our hearts ache and long for what the shadow only pretends to bring…never-ending passion.
Steamy…right! Yeeeesssss, it’s the best. I mean, come on, who doesn’t want to be the object of that kind of rapture at least once (or once in a while)? I liken leakers to sharks; they command a certain awe, are certainly powerful and dangerous (which is exciting and could, in fact, render me senseless). The difference is, there is no doubt in my mind about whether or not I jump in a shark tank. For all you shark divers—pick another metaphor!
The deal with leakers is knowing how to tell them from the likers. Unless you are a leaker junkie and have no intention of quitting. For the rest of you, here are a few tips that will help you navigate the dangerous waters of telling the leakers from the likers.
- The first time you meet a leaker he/she will make you feel like you are the most special person in the whole world, forgetting where you are, as if you are the only two people in the whole room/train/dance club/world. You might never eat or sleep again, or at least will check your email (VM, whatever) 10 times an hour to see if they called, twittered, pinged you. Like a crack addict waiting for his junk. VS The first time you meet a liker you feel curious, a subtle yet particular interest to know more; you recognize their personal boundary and respect it, feel their reciprocal awareness of you but are not overwhelmed by it. You are left with a warm feeling.
- The leakers leave you feeling insecure. VS The likers leave you feeling good about yourself.
- The leaker’s affection isn’t exclusive to you and you start to wonder what you are doing wrong or what is wrong with you that you can’t keep their attention. VS The liker behaves this particular way in your presence alone, cordial and social to others but qualitatively different.
- The leaker moves fast. VS The liker isn’t in a hurry; they know what they want and will wait.
- Leakers are exciting but get bored and indifferent easily. VS Likers are more like a slow burn, not so quick to jump, they ramp up, like the buildup and are into sustainability.
- Leakers have a rep for being, well, leakers; cheaters, players, have problems with commitment, etc. VS Likers have a history of trial and error, like most, but have a track record of longevity and heart and partner(s) who’ll vouch for it.
So, whether you are a leaker trying to quit, tired of getting leaked on, or simply satisfied to finally find a name for those folks who do that thing they do—there you go. And after all these years on my own path I can safely say I keep a healthy distance from the shark tank, however fascinating they are. As the saying goes; look, don’t touch! A little goes a long way!
About the author:
Maryanne Comaroto is an internationally known relationship expert, talk show host and author. Her weekly live radio talk show reaches millions of listeners in the U.S. and around the world. Maryanneapostrophes philosophy is "Great relationships begin within!" http://www.maryannelive.com
She leads popular workshops and seminars for men and women http://www.corrcertification.com, and has had a private practice as a clinical hypnotherapist for more than 20 years. She is the author of the award-winning memoir Skinny, Tan and Rich: Unveiling the Myth. Her latest book, Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, outlines the 14 critical questions to ask before you get intimate in a relationship and gives the reader six tools for their Relationship Toolbelt.
Maryanne is also the founder of a leading non-profit, The National Action Organization, a 501(c)3 organization committed to changing the way our culture values women.